Line 15 - Talks about Basingstoke, which I assume is where the Calgary highlanders were based in England before they went to France. This is a detail that I would expect to be in the report, and it is not. The report should be grounded in the diary, and this is a detail that is in the diary but not in the report. This is a miss, and it should be included in the report to give a sense of where the soldiers were before they went to France.
line 15 - it says the co who know his officers by their first names. Is this in the war diaries or an assumption? 
line 17 - great detail about the first world war actions of the 10th battalion
line 19 - seems accurate to the war diary. It talks about GR Crockett recommended for the victoria cross,but I know crockett did not get the VC. Be careful to word it so that it is clear that he was recommended but did not receive it.
line 27 - unless we are showing these position on the map, giving grid references in the report is not helpful to the family. It is more important to give a sense of where they were in relation to known places (e.g. "the town of X" or "the river Y") rather than giving grid references that the family will not understand. If we are showing these positions on the map, then it is fine to include the grid references, but if not, then it is better to omit them from the report.
line 48 - spot checked. seems accurate to the war diary
Line 50 - spot checked. seems accurate to the war diary.
Line 52 - spot checked. seems accurate to the war diary.
Line 55 - spot checked. seems accurate to the war diary.
Line 61 - spot checked. seems accurate to the war diary.